Anti-evolutionary

..and I always dreamed of classics cars and movie screens.

''My fashion is my self-expression''. So if I guessed that lace top giving us lucky men an oh-so naughty peek at your mosquito bite of a tit was indicative of your crackwhore mum and those pseudo-shorts which I swear are meant to be some sort of exotic underwear expresses your urge to take it up the arse from the closest 6-incher in a grim pub toilet, I wouldn't be too far from the mark would I? I must've taken a dodgy pill or two the last time I was out 'cos I seem to have waken up to a world where dressing like an ultramundane slag is an aspiration for all.

Members of the male species are as much to blame in this matter for their philistine-like taste in subjects so divine. These 'jeggings'/lace top clad girls, who i'm pretty sure would be burned on a stake or thrown into a river left to drown/or/drown a few hundred years back, are now the ideal companion. I'm pretty sure if you wanted a girl dressed like that a mere 6 years back, you would have to go to the dodgiest back allies of London, not pay more than a tenner even though she begged for double and device a plan to make sure your mates NEVER found out. Now they are somewhat royalty, wined and dined to the highest standards.  Considering the nature of these men, I apologise, twats however, as indicated by their penchant for feline beings, it is very likely high standard dining  for them would be a MaccyD's meal; including the coupons.

Now don't get me wrong, I wouldn't be the quickest person ever to call the janitor if I found a peephole to Kim Kardashian's changing room in my toilet. No siree. But it's these little social codes, like actually putting on some clothes, that restrain us from being on par with Bonobo chimps who fuck members of their own family in, what sounds rather thrilling I'm sure, massive orgies.

Where my virgins at?

Yours Truly

    Cunt

A glimpse of the edge you've avoided

No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

If God could create one last spectacle before he hangs up his boots, just to let the crowd have something to remember him by, he would create Google. But two mere mortals, often simply called 'The Google Guys', got to that before him. Ammo for the non-believers.. Forget those old fables of your mother getting leprosy and you praying right next to her for the Almighty to come down himself as if you really were that important. No, benevolence has now gone global and comes in a much more compact, somewhat more believable form. Brace yourself for the 21st century Zeus; Google.

Sharing a  little anecdote would perhaps get my point across best. Quite recently my girlfriend was cooking me a meal at hers where we came very close to reenacting the Great Fire of London. Bless her, she still thinks shoving Tesco Salmon Fillets into the oven is cooking. Hopeless thing. In result of the general hocus-pocus flow of events that happen in a kitchen, something touched another and a massive fire was formed, perfected with ash and a very, very dark smoke in the air. Whilst the woman, so typically, ran around the kitchen, hands on her head as if 2012 had come early, I of course retained my manlihood, keeping everyone cool, like a man does. Hercules must've done a bit more, as the bravado wasn't quite putting the fire out.  The kitchen now filled with echoes of her bellowing; ''what should we do?!'' It came to the point where I did have to ask myself, what should we do? Now, I wasn't the closest of buddies with the Socrates, Aristotle, Plato; the chaps I call them, but I can safely assume that the boys would come to an unanimous certainty that the advice I was just about to give, was in fact probably the best one. I swear I did feel a hand coming down from the skies, through the roof and onto my head for a little pat in the head from them all. I said; ''let's google it.''

Yours Truly

Cunt 

The friendly ghost

 Confucius say; girl with red hair buy cracky.

In true F.O.D style; ''there's somethign on my mind, it's been for quite some time, it's time i'm onto you.''

Similar to the deception and disappointment you felt when Professor Snape wasn't infact a bona fide  Death Eater and Harry wasn't going to lynch the bastard's head off in Deathly Hallows, I came across a a simlar shock whilst related-videos-surfing on YouTube. A pop-ska band, no names being mentioned (not 'cos I don't want to offend any diehard fanatics but simply because they were too shit to leave even a stain in my docile mind) were shouting these lyrics; if I can remember:

''I'm not gonna preach to you about no government shit,
cos we all came here to be not preached with any government shit.
So we're all just gonna love love love and suck some cock together.''

Ok not exactly that.. But you get the jist. Punk is now as rebellious as that Cheryl Cole tune, 'Fight For Some Shit', Viva La Revolucion!...
Believe me, I am not depressive enough to write a blog as a result of one bad experience from a 'punk' band. Their sentiments I have noticed have been CCed by many of the popular 'underground' and commercial bands alike. Many of these bands I am ashamed to say are a favourite amongst my closest mates and at one point, was mine too. This bullshit of 'peace, love and unity' being preached in a time where much more is needed than 'peace, love and unity' would be very close to convincing me of the punk scene being a department of the many government propaganda agencies, if it weren't for the trust I have, or had I should say, in the scene. Even Rancid said ''That's Just The Way Things Are.'' Ah...

Music aside, it only gets worse when you see these lyrics put to action by the most watered-down 'punks' you get these days. The only reason any 'punk' seems to show up at a protest these days is to get a quick snap taken to make themselves look pretty by a photographer who doesn't quite share the same intentions. Their ever-so-neat mohawk seems much more presentable than the Celtic Manor Resort where the Ryder Cup 2010 was played and I can swear it rained. Probabaly held up so well by daddy's funding, change from a pint after the West 'Am game perhaps they'd claim. Working class struggle... 'Political Activism' my friend, is much more than buying the latest CD of your favourite band who happens to carry the slightest of political undercurrents. This whole 'Stalin was a twat, hey man you got a quid for a bottle of Strongbow?' culture is what, shamefully, distanced me from the scene.

Nah mate, everything isn't peace love and unity. Nah mate, stagediving from the Underworld stage, and unity in a 200-capacity club all forgotten after curfew time, ISN'T what i'm going to do.
'Cos The Clash told the non-black man to run riot on streets.
'Cos The Restarts told all apolitical fence-sitters to fuck off.
'Cos NOFX told me to Murder the Government.
'Cos No Cash told me to bust six shots at a undacova cop.
'Cos Leftover Crack told me to Burn Them Prisons.

..and those are the reasons I first bought my first Dead Kennedys shirt and dyed my hair red; NOT to fall into your watered-down, substandard, lethargic shit of a scene.

Yours Truly

Cunt

Look momma, I made a new friend!

You probably heard we ain't in the prisoner-takin' business; we in the killin' Nazi business. And cousin, business is a-boomin'. 

I've fallen victim to the Nick Clegg syndrome; I took an oath in front of a very obedient following (mostly my collection of England footballers' bobble heads that came with McDonald's Happy Meals, circa 08/09) that I would keep this blog strictly light-hearted despite having an arsenal of opinions which tends to cunt the shit out of any congregation that is lucky enough to have caught a line. I also made a solemn promise to update my devoted following of 2 with posts every few days or so. But with the general fucked-in-the-ass-by-George-Foreman-esque events that fall under 'A-Levels', I naturally failed.

Now about the former point; I felt it being almost a duty to make the most insignificant of a commentary on the sudden turn of events this country has just witnessed. Sparks of revolution are in the air and many a New Era clad teenager have taken on the duty of Guy Fawkes himself. There are plenty of things wrong with that some will claim, but the point most deserving a mention is that Fawkes wasn't a revolutionary, instead, a reactionary. Meaning he wasn't quite going to tear the shackles apart, free the peasants and head west, chasing the sun in search of peace, justice and liberty whilst smoking a spliff or two. Irrelevant rants like this get my political stance all fucked up, I am just a very angry person, it's best made clear I am in fact rooting for these 'rioting' teenagers. You gotta sympathise, the amount of sensationalization the Conservative HQ trashing received made the Bolsheviks and the People's Will look like a bunch of Swiss Catholic school girls in tight pink panty girdles blushing brighter than Sir Alan Sugar's ass cheeks sun burnt under an Egyptian sun. It'd take laborious effort to tilt the head of a generation of youth to any piece of media that doesn't quite involve a drug-fuelled teenager who's life is is so so so seriously threatened yet they miraculously survive each death trap. It's culinary equivalent would be those shitty Quorn sausages that burn each and every time no matter how much of an eye you keep on 'em, shitty vegetarian brunch. Yeah I was talking about This Is Skins (??) or England something something (??), oh well it's the same shitty, substandard crap. When I said laborious effort, I really didn't mean a KFC or a Burger King which slave a rainbow array of creatures who I swear don't quite have the right to be working there, legally of course (I'm all Chomsky me, no borders no nations and all that malarkey.) We really are talking about an underground warehouse of Chinese babies who can't walk yet labour ladies and gentlemen. The fruits of labour this time around was somewhat aesthetically pleasing. Fuckin' brilliant in laymen's terms. Beautiful, simply beautiful. A certain Rembrandt tried to create such levels of beauty a few hundreds years back, needless to say it was an epic fail. Miracles happen everyday and if these protests didn't send Church and Islam society memberships through the roof, then boy was Darwin the devil.
Remember, remember, the 10th of November.

If the riotous events of the NUS protest didn't quite illustrate the class divide that is yet to come, highlighted by very active youth formation who generally would be quite indifferent to any political matters, I really don't know what will. I would like to throw in a snippet of a quote an Anarchist speaker spoke in last year's G20 Put People First march in response to the Greek uprisings the same year. It went something like this : ''Very soon it won't be just the anarchists and socialists that are going to riot in your streets. It will be the very people that voted for you, your average worker, your average family-man.'' Professor Trelawney couldn't have pinned this down better as this prophecy slowly but surely seems to be taking shape.

Since I've incepted this whole theme of apocalypse and that, I'm going to shamelessly throw in my favourite failed apocalypse tale. On March 19, 1997, Marshall Applewhite taped himself speaking of mass suicide and asserted "it was the only way to evacuate this Earth". The Heaven's Gate group was against suicide but they believed they had no choice but to leave Earth as quickly as possible. After claiming that a space craft was trailing the comet Hale-Bopp, Applewhite convinced 38 followers to commit suicide so that their souls could board the supposed craft. Applewhite believed that after their deaths, a UFO would take their souls to another "level of existence above human." Each member carried a five dollar bill and three quarters in their pockets. All 39 were dressed in identical black shirts and sweat pants, brand new black-and-white Nike Windrunner athletic shoes, and armband patches reading 'Heaven's Gate Away Team'.

At least they went out in style....
Time for these absolutely unnecessary* cuts to follow suit?


*National Debt and Budget 'deficits' are much, much higher in the USA (enough to compromise for the fact the UK has a much more costly social sector) and you can safely say the American economy hasn't quite gone down the shitter just yet. Anyways, it seems more viable and sensible, on both a moral and get-your-head-the-fuck-out-of-your-ass-you-shit-of-a-brain level, that this money be sourced from somewhere that DID cause this 'recession'.

                                               Yours Truly

Cunt